I should confess, right here, that on those blissful Tuesday mornings when sproglette is with the "shiny happy people" at pre school and sprog is at the institution where they learn how to wear hoodies and the correct techniques for happy slapping, that I indulge in 20 minutes of mindless Heat perusing. It occured to me whilst browsing through this bible to low culture that not only is it really badly written, "Mischa Barton: She has trouble with door handles"!! (you can bet the entire staff scratched their heads and wondered why everyone laughed, when Chantelle asked Barrymore what a gynaecologist was). But they seem to be on a mission to make sure that every celeb conforms to a certain shape, make and model. I mean, you've got 4 pages of "stars" wobbly stomachs and then some Britney belly bashing (gosh, is she up the duff, or has she just really eaten too many pies) and just to cap it off, they've devoted a few pages to pointing out just how emaciated Girls Aloud and Anna Kournikova are. Now I don't mean to be flip, (my nan died in Auschwitz, so I really am trying not to be) but isn't this what Hitler was trying to achieve? I guess next week, I'll just buy Closer.